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BLOG for Youth & Teens. The teenage years come with so many changes including new feelings and desires. How can we navigate all of these emotions in the pursuit of purity?
INSPIRATION
Unity of mind and body is always the fundamental necessity, and only the power of love can achieve it. When you understand that true love is your goal and you focus everything in pursuit of it, then at that point mind and body are working together. Especially in the teenage years, the mind and body are looking for one thing — love. When you have a love nose, it picks up the mysterious smell of love. Love has a special taste in your mouth, and love ears want to hear the fascinating sound of love all the time. When you have a love hand, you want to touch love forever. Love power alone lasts for eternity. A teenager in love is dreamy eyed; he or she wants to interpret everything about the loved one in a good way. Everything in love is tasty and turns into joy. Love can digest any ugliness or tastelessness. Love is brave and mysterious and wonderful. All the adjectives in the dictionary cannot describe love.
-God's Will and the World, 1983 Rev. Sun Myung Moon
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
Heart is the source of love. God has an ideal within Him, just as we have an ideal we long for within our hearts. God's ideal can be realized through man. Then what is the vehicle through which man can express God's heart? In order for us to realize God's ideal, we were created masculine and feminine. Unless male and female beings come together and are united, there is no way for God to express His love ultimately.
- Sun Myung Moon
ALL THESE FEELINGS
Starting in Junior high I noticed myself changing so much. A few years earlier, I could wear sweatpants to school and an old baggy t-shirt. That was actually the best outfit. Suddenly I started noticing that I cared about how I dressed. I wanted people to notice me.
I still remember starting 6th grade and picking out the perfect outfit for the first day. I was going to look so fly and everyone was going to like me. Picture this, I strutted in with crisp, ironed khakis, a fresh purple polo shirt, tucked in of course and some flashy new tennis shoes. I guess I didn’t know what I was doing but I thought this would be a win.
Thinking back, a big motivator for me was that I started noticing girls at school differently. They didn’t just seem like playmates, they were prettier now. It was hard to not notice them as they walked by or stopped at their lockers. Feelings were developing in me and it changed the way that I behaved.
To my surprise though, the girls didn’t flock to me. I had this new desire to be wanted. I hoped I might find a pretty redhead, scratch that a brunette, no maybe a black haired girl, or a blonde would be fine. I didn’t know what I was looking for to be honest but these new feelings of attraction were certainly budding.
I knew that one day God had someone prepared for me, that someday I would be married and create an awesome family, but it started to get hard to put off “until someday”. More and more I wanted to feel loved NOW.
As much as I sometimes wanted to have those relationships, I also knew that I wasn’t ready to love someone. I wanted to have fun with friends, I wanted to wrestle and snowboard. I was not ready at that time for the investment that loving someone would take.
Now that I’m married, I can see what true love takes. It’s hard, relationships challenge you, but it is totally worth it. The feelings we feel in our teen years are not there as a mistake but to motivate us to become our best self so that we can create our own true love story one day.
THE IDEAL
You are made for a deep and fulfilling love. You are made to feel love from your head to your toes and everywhere between. God wants you to see love, hear love and feel love. God wants to meet us in the midst of true love where men and women meet.
So God stirs in us a longing to connect. Beginning in your teen years, we look at the opposite sex not just as friends but potential partners. It is ok and natural. God wants us to feel these feelings. God created us to have feelings of attraction so that we can better connect to our future spouse. God wants you to anticipate that first kiss, that first embrace and the first time you make love with your future spouse. Wow!
Our lives are meant to be lived centered on true love. Everything we do should be done connected to creating love. From your studies at school, your first job, your fitness and health routines, your career choice, your faith development should all be preparing you to create awesome love. God is the ultimate source of love and wants you to experience the most amazing firework show that is true love.
In order that we can put this energy into our development, God awakens our passion for love. This great love should be your motivation. When you look at the opposite sex- you can feel excited because God has a great hope for you and in God’s timing you will meet that special person one day
When we are clear in God’s Principles and the path God wants us to walk, this new wave of attraction to love should be the fuel that moves us forward.
Sometimes I wonder… If God wants us to wait, why did he make it so hard? Why couldn’t these feelings start when I get married? That would be so much easier.
REALITY
Right now, you may be struggling with the idea of saving your heart for later. It can feel so weird because you feel like everyone else is dating and hooking up.
The reality is that we have an uphill battle in our teens. It’s tough to not want to give in to every feeling, sexual urge or longing you may have. Your friends become close and sometimes it is hard to separate friendliness from attraction. Tv shows, movies, social media all portray love in the NOW, instant gratification. The world is telling us to pursue and give in to our urges.
That girl you’ve been friends with for years suddenly looks different, she’s cute and you feel excited when you see her. Maybe that boy that was always teasing you is starting to arouse feelings that you never expected to feel. You may start to feel that you always want to be around that person and want their attention without really understanding why.Your heart yearns to flirt and explore new emotions you’ve never felt till now.
It may be hard to separate friendships from romance. Having friends is a great thing, but it’s important to check your heart. Believe it or not you can have great friendships and keep it there. Emotional connections can be mistaken for something more, and you may hurt your heart or theirs if you move beyond friendship.
Remember, these feelings come and go. As you go through your teens you will have crushes- but don’t mistake it for true love. True love is something you build, something you create. Sure feelings are real, strong and involved but true love is so much more than just a feeling.
With love there is a genuine concern about the other's well being. When you love someone you are willing to go through hardship in order to make them happy.
If someone truly loves you, then they will let you take the time to grow, to focus on school, to develop your hobbies and interests.
Your adolescence is a time to work towards your future. Let that desire for love be the motivator to become your best self. Allow yourself the space to become a person of character that will one day be able to give yourself fully to your one true love.
HARMS
If you give into your temporary feelings you will stunt your development. Giving yourself to your desires you might find yourself compromising your character. Letting loose of your moral code you might find yourself acting in ways that sell yourself short.
Investing yourself so fully in a romantic relationship you may be robbing yourself of time and energy to invest in your own growth. Relationships take a considerable amount of time and energy that could be spent on developing your character, hobbies and emotional development. This is a precious time for you to discover and develop you. You owe it to yourself and your future family to take this time and become the best you.
At this age it is hard to have the maturity to love someone. That someone you like may hurt you or you may hurt them. If you go through your high school days getting involved in relationships you may find yourself with a broken heart that’s hard to heal. One of the keys to success later in life is the ability to self control. If you can overcome your immediate feelings for a long term goal you are developing an aptitude for long term happiness.
IN CONCLUSION
So take this time, take your passions and invest in your growth. You can have your awesome love story. You can have those ice cream dates, those long walks on the beach, but make them part of your true love. You deserve the chance to be fully immersed in love, with no regrets, no past to hold you back. Your true love deserves all of you, your best self.
God gave this time of growth to you so that you can have it all, just give yourself the time, a few more years before you give your heart away. Because you are worth more.
Application:
I know it may feel that the time is right to become more than friends, but take a moment and think about your future family. What kind of person do you want to be? How can you develop a heart that can give everything to that most special person God is preparing for you?
Write a list of the characteristics you think make an ideal partner. Now put yourself in that role. How are you preparing yourself to be an ideal partner? Do you meet your list of expectations?
Too much free time can be a challenge. Choose some sports, hobbies or clubs to be in. This is a great way to invest your passions, your energy, and it also helps you become a better, more rounded person.
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