Updated: Feb 25, 2021
BLOG for Youth & Teens. It's more than just the "birds and the bees". Beyond what you learned in health class, sex causes "heart" reactions that fuse two souls into one.
Note- If you don’t know what sex is read this: kids lesson on sex
“In all creation, the most precious entities are human beings – men and women. Furthermore, the most precious part of the human body is not the nose, the eyes, the hands, or even the brain. It is the sexual organs, the main organs of love. Everything in the universe can be recreated through the sexual parts.”
- Sun Myung Moon
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"Real intimacy is a sacred experience. It never exposes its secret trust and belonging to the voyeuristic eye of a neon culture. Real intimacy is of the soul, and the soul is reserved."
— John O'Donohue
“Let's look at how we were born biologically. Out of millions of sperm, only one reaches the egg cell. Still, each sperm has to head in the proper general direction in order for at least one to reach the goal. If their direction is off, will they ever reach their destination? So even before you were conceived, something must have been heading in the right direction."
-Sun Myung Moon
YOU ARE LOVE...
It might be strange to think about it but your life began with sex. Your life started in a passion; it was that explosion of love from your dad to your mom that was the origin point for your life. You are literally a product of their love making, in other words when they made love, you were the result, you are love.
Sex is one of the greatest gifts God gives to us. That’s right sex is good, it’s great, it’s fun and it is also holy- provided it is in God’s timing. It is the connecting point of God’s love with us, God’s tool for creating life, and a way to pass on that love to the next generation.
"When we are born as a man or woman, who is the owner of our sexual organ? Actually the owner of a husband's sexual organ is his wife, and the owner of a wife's sexual organ is her husband. We did not know that the sexual organ is owned by the opposite sex. This is a simple truth."
- Sun Myung Moon
You are old enough to know now where babies come from. Sexual intercourse is the way that man transmits his seed into the women’s egg. From that point of fertilization new life is formed in the womb and 9 months later a baby is born. This is what you may have learned in science class. Sex = the penis entering the vagina. They may teach you to have “safe sex”, use protection and to confirm consent.
However, when we talk about sex we’re talking about more than just intercourse. Any sexual activity can impact you in ways you may not expect. When you engage in sexually stimulating activities you trigger chemical reactions as well as “heart” reactions. Your mind, body and spirit want to connect with your partner in the midst of sexual relations. In a marriage this is wonderful but without that commitment, these ties can devastate you and your “partner”.
Where to draw the line...
Do you know the profound power that sex has to change your life and the lives of others? Are you aware of the impacts of sex on your emotional and spiritual life?
Making love is a precious activity that draws you close to your partner and shares your inner world with them. Any sexual activity should only be engaged in a marriage relationship.
Desires are natural. You may have daydreamed about making out, caressing or being stimulated by your significant other. These are not activities to share with just anyone. Rather, save these moments for your one true love; the one that respects you, honors you and loves you.
“Waiting is a sign of true love and patience. Anyone can say ‘I love you,’ but not everyone can wait and prove it’s true.” -Anonymous
You may have questions on your mind. Perhaps you've wondered how far you can go without crossing the line of “sex” and still remain a virgin for your future spouse. Is kissing, cuddling or grinding going to hurt you? Is oral sex really sex? Can I masturbate or can I touch someone else’s private parts?
Or maybe this has never crossed your mind before and you’re very clear that you wouldn’t engage in any of those activities. Even if that’s the case, it’s important for you to be clear with yourself on your boundaries. Sometimes even a hug or a friendly arm wrapped around your friend, can over time lead to more. Once you start one thing, it’s easy to be tempted to make a more intimate move and slowly let your heart and body fall. This may also be applicable when you’re engaged (matched) and committed with the love of your life but still choosing to save yourselves for your wedding night. So it’s important to be clear with yourself.
SEX is cheapened...
Sex is so much more than what you learn in health class or see on TV. In movies, sex is often an achievement to be unlocked. They want to have sex with someone just to see if they can. After sex, they move on as if the relations meant nothing, as if it was just another trophy. There is no thought of the impact that sex has on their life and the life of the their “partner”.
For many people sex is just physical. Sex is just something we do casually, to have fun, to fit in, to feel valued.
This world has cheapened the value of sex. It often seems more like fast food than the upscale entree it’s supposed to be. Movies and shows make it seem like "everyone is doing it". However believe it or not, not everyone is having sex like you may think.
"In 2019, some 38.4% of high schoolers reported that they had ever had sex, down from 39.5% in 2017, 46% in 2009, and 54% in 1991." -Institute for Family Studies
A Binding Supernatural Force...
Traditionally, sex is how you complete the marriage. After the “I do’s” are said the newly wed couple enjoys their first night together where they consummate the marriage. The act of sex is consumation of the marriage, the physical binding representing the spiritual commitments they made in the wedding ceremony. (Many Unificationists choose to wait until 40 days after the Blessing.)
If sex is viewed as this powerfully binding engagement, what does it mean when you have sex with just anyone?
Sex is something that many want to experience with no strings attached. They want to sell you the idea that you can have sex and it will have no consequences, in fact they say it is your right to express yourself however you like sexually.
This neglects the reality that sex is a binding supernatural force. Beyond the physical gratification we are connecting with our partners every time we engage in sex.
Sex creates emotional anchors. When we give of ourselves in sex, we are sharing something so intimate and personal with that other person. We are engrafting our lives to theirs. This is a wonderful gift from God for marriage as it draws you closer.
And what a wonderful image of unity God uses to create this life. When a husband is literally inside his wife’s body, united as one body with his wife, their union creates new life.
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” - Matthew 19:6
AS YOU GROW...
As you are growing now, you are definitely getting more and more interested in sex and your participation in it. And that’s ok. You’re not dirty. God designed you to long for intimacy. When these thoughts cross your mind, try not to picture anyone you know, nor engage in pornography. Instead think about your future spouse and how you’re saving yourself for him or her.
God created us to grow physically, emotionally and spiritually before starting our sexual life in our blessed marriage. We are meant to become people full of love and respect that when we engage in sex it is an act of love, an act of appreciation and reverence for the sanctity of love, life and lineage. When we are fully mature then the experience is not only physically exhilarating, but also emotionally stimulating and spiritually enlightening.
“After children's love and brother-sister love, there is the couple's love. It is a process of growth from one to the next.” -Sun Myung Moon
God wants you to grow fully before you receive this blessing because He knows how special it can be. This is not a restriction but a blessing to be prepared to give and receive love in the highest manner.
WHERE YOUR PARENTS COME IN...
Has this been an uncomfortable topic for you? Do you have a zillion questions running through your mind? Talk with your parents; they are there to help you navigate all of this.
I know, they might seem weird, awkward or even from another planet. Maybe it seems they are ancient and could never understand you. Maybe you know how strict they are and that if you were honest with them about your questions and thoughts on sex they might freak out.
However, in the end, your parents' role is to be there for you, guide you, support you, love you and help you become your best self. They want to help but can only help if you let them in. Remember, that they’ve been where you are today. They were once a curious teenager too, learning about sex.
I remember being a kid and falling off the playground. When I looked down I saw a gash on my leg. Some people asked if I was ok, if I needed help. Of course I told them "No", I didn't want them to think I couldn't take the pain. I wanted to show how tough I was. Maybe I didn't want to be told I couldn't climb like that again so I pretended that I was fine. I had to suffer in silence and sit there with a busted leg that hurt.
In life we are bound to fall down, get hurt, make mistakes and break stuff. It happens. Maybe you’ve already kissed someone or drank underage. Maybe you’ve watched porn or struggled with masturbation and you feel guilty or ashamed. But if we don't reach out for help, we live with the consequences and have no real manner to get back up, turn our lifestyle around and do better.
Talking with your parents will allow you to get clarity on where you stand and where you are going. They might react poorly at first. They want to protect you and might freak out because they are worried for you and love you. Keep talking and you might find some common ground. You may even realize your parents had the same problems, confusions, doubts and pains that you are encountering now.
Tips when talking to your parents (or another trusted adult)
TIMING: If you have questions regarding big topics like sex, make sure you ask your parents in the right time. Not right as you are running out the door, or the moment they walk in from work. Try when you both have some free time and are not in a stressful mindset. Let them know you have something important to talk about and ask if it is a good time now, or when might it be better to talk.
PATIENCE: Be patient with your parents, sometimes they won’t have all the answers now or may need to get back to you on answering some of your questions. This isn’t meant to be a one time conversation but an ongoing relationship. They might get anxious, angry or shy about some of these topics. They are doing their best to protect you and guide you but it may take them some time to figure it all out. Give them space just as you’d like them to give you space sometimes too.
YOU're almost there!
One of the biggest areas of your growth and development is your understanding of healthy sexuality, expressing and experiencing love. And one of the best places to find answers and learn more about this topic is through your own parents. School of Love & High Noon also have great resources. While they may be well meaning- teachers, tv shows & friends aren’t always the best place to learn about God’s awesome intention for sex.
You are meant to grow into a fully loving human being. It is a process you are growing through and it is normal to ask questions in order to become full grown. Use this time to become your best self. Your parents are here to help you grow, to protect you from harm and get you back on your feet when you fall down. Lean into the parent-child relationship and you will find a love that grows with you and a relationship that you can always count on even when you get old yourself. You have your parents here now, so take some time to be with them, to learn from them and get yourself ready for the next steps in life. I know you can do it!
In what seems like no-time at all, you will start your own marriage and sex life! Take time now to prepare yourself to be the best partner you can be so that you can enter into your marriage ready for a beautiful, amazing God centered sex life.
God I want to thank you for creating me through love. I pray that I may grow in love and give love fully to my family in the future.
God please help me navigate the feelings of desire that I have together with my hopes for my future.
God help me to see sex through your eyes, a beautiful gift I’m awaiting.
God please teach me to respect myself and others in protecting this sacred love you gave us.
God help me to be strong and courageous in my decisions and actions.
Consider reflecting or writing on the following questions:
How does following God’s design for sex enhance the value of it?
What might be the effects to your heart if you engage in premarital relations?
How can you keep on the path of wholesome love? What activities might help you keep your mind and heart clear? What friend groups could help support you?
Write a letter to your future spouse. Describe your relationship, what are you excited to experience together, what do you want to offer them?
Relevant Lessons: to dive in deeper!
“Looking at the things of creation and the natural Garden of Eden, which was created as a pair system, Adam and Eve would have come to understand what they had to do when they grew up. …They would have grown up looking at the male and female birds, male and female butterflies, and all things being born in pairs, falling in love, bringing forth their young and living. It would have dawned on them that a grown man is a prince of love who represents God's masculinity, and that a grown woman is a princess of love who represents God's femininity. The woman would tell herself, "That man is just the person I need!" and the man would think the woman is really important to him.”
- Sun Myung Moon
“Where are man and woman finally connected for the consummation of their love? Through their sexual organs. The man's organs of love, as well as the woman's, are located in the center of the body, where all the nervous systems are concentrated. God put them in a protected place, like a hidden construction... The sexual organs should originally be the palaces of God's love. They were supposed to be the most important and sacred places, through which love is consummated, life created and lineage transmitted. God created men and women in such a way that they harmonize sexually. The man's sexual organ is owned by his wife and vice versa. They exchange ownership and then there is only one owner forever. This is the simple truth and no power can change this truth. The problem has come thought the idea that you have ownership over your sexual organ and you have the right to use it however your body dictates. We need to consider a fundamental principle in the pursuit of a happy and stable family: that sex belongs only to marriage. Only husband and wife have the access key in order to open those sacred places for the consummation of heavenly love."
- Sun Myung Moon